Well, I guess it is inevitable that when you spend a week driving from destination to destination with your spouse you will ultimately encounter a quarrel. Ours occurred on the trip home when Chuck was behind the wheel in Tennessee. We were driving through the most beautiful mountains where the clouds were touching the tips of their peaks... but I couldn't enjoy the view. Why? Because I could not stop stressing over how close my husband was driving to the vehicles in front of our car. Poor Chuck... he had initially offered to drive to give me time to knit while enjoying the beautiful fall scenery. He has never once gotten us into an accident... yet here he was having to listen to me squirm and gasp at every turn. (Mind you, he drives almost exactly as I do - just a little closer to the car in front.)
Finally after hearing enough of my dramatic shrills, my husband took the matter to heart and told me firmly that I needed to "chill-ax" and trust him... trust that he knew how to drive... trust that he would not do anything to get us hurt. "JUST TRUST ME!", he said two volumes louder than normal.
Naturally, I reacted as the perfect Devoted Woman that I am... NOT! I immediately started to get self defensive and angry. I felt the nerves in my neck tensing. (The same nerves that we just paid good money to have massaged at our spa destination!) I could hardly believe that the man I betrothed myself to over a decade ago could not even take a moment to consider my needs. How could he not understand how hurt and unsafe his driving made me feel... didn't he care?
So there we were. Two people who had just enjoyed a wonderful vacation together, now angry, tearful and avoiding conversation. Both with reasonably valid arguments. Both feeling as if there was now a large mountain inside the car pitted between our hurt egos.
With tears in my eyes, I looked down at my knitting project and started to question God in prayer. "Lord, what the heck?! We are supposed to be on vacation and having fun together." I then remembered the series of events that happened at the beginning of our trip only a week ago and how nasty Satan was in his attempts to stop us from going altogether. Everything had gone wrong. We had technical difficulties with work issues. We had bouts with sickness. We had family and home matters that needed immediate attention. The list went on.
The biggest issue of all occurred after we had finished packing up the car and heading out... the engine light went on and we had to return home to regroup. (Mind you, I had taken the car in for servicing the week before to insure it would be ready for our trip.) Yes, Satan was on full attack to prevent my hard-working husband and I some enjoyment time alone to regroup as a couple... so why was I surprised at this little spat?
I sat and prayed and waited. Then Chuck, who always is first to take the high road, started pointing out the splendor of the scenery around us. He pointed to the misty clouds above the colorful mountain tops and said, "Wow, those sure look ominous." I gave no reaction to his AWESOME word for the day, except a nod. (We like to come up with cool words... come on, "OMINOUS" is cool!!!) Then he touched my arm and continued..., "Look at those pretty trees." With every statement he made, I started to realize that this was not a man out to get me. This was a man who truly wanted me to enjoy this trip alongside him. He knew that I loved driving through the mountains during the fall months to inhale the delightful autumn colors and scenic views. He wanted me to relax and enjoy myself. Suddenly, I started to realize that I wasn't trusting him. I was being a "back-seat" driver. I was the problem! Sure, I needed to be up front with him and let him know that I was uncomfortable with how close he was driving, but I could have asked him more respectfully (with less drama) and then trusted his headship as husband, driver, and "ominous" wordsmith.
When I realized how I had acted, I immediately asked for Chuck's forgiveness. I had let my own crazed insecurity take over trusting the man who loves me the most on this earth. The same man that would give his life for me. I had forgotten that my fear would only divide us... but my trust and respect toward him would make us stronger! Chuck instantly responded in acknowledgement that he would try to back off more from the cars in front, but I would still need to trust him no matter how he drove. He noted that he cared more about me than anything, and that we should always try to remember that we are on the same team. What a wonderful man. With that, we air smooched and held hands - continuing the enjoyable drive home together.
Ladies, I tell you this story to remind you of this... How often do we forget that Jesus is behind the wheel of our lives? He is in control and has never steered us wrong... yet frequently we give into the indulgence of dramatic feelings while mistrusting His perfectly capable methods. We must instead strive to be holy in our approach to seek and trust His ways. Our Almighty Father wants us to enjoy our journey with Him while taking in His abundant love during the course of driving through the mountains and rocky planes of this earth. Our God does not want us to give into Satan's attempts to stop our joy. And Jesus does not want us to become fearful with how He chooses to steer and guide us through life. Rather, He wants us to trust Him no matter what, and no matter how or where He takes us. He cares more about our well-being and feelings than anyone or anything... we are His children... His beloved. Let's not loose sight of his loving intentions for us. Let's trust that He is in control and stop being a "back-seat" driver. Let's give up our idol of self to Him.
We have a wonderful, loving, faithful and completely capable God. Let's choose to humbly and faithfully share our feelings and concerns respectfully and honestly to Him. Then, let's choose to simply trust Him... holding His perfect hand as He continues to guide us home.
Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you. (Psalms 9:10)
P.S. Thank you, Momba, for the use of your vehicle. We had a lovely time. XOXOXO!
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