lead me, Lord!

Then he said to them all: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.” (Luke 9:23-24)

O Lord, to lose my life daily?
To deny myself for Your sake?
What would I lose?

For all things truly good and pleasing exist in Your Name.
All things pure, holy, and right are exactly under Your care and will transcend into everlasting.
So what must I lose?
What part of "ME" must I deny whilst still being the "me" You intend, dear Jesus?

Sorrow... Yes.
Fear... Yes, please take it.
Pain... Oh, yes! I willingly lay every discomfort before You, dear Master.
Guilt... I'm in favor of losing all these horrors, Father.
Selfishness...
Selfishness...
Selfishness...
Hmmm.

Now You've done it!
Now You've penetrated my core.
For giving up "self" is the leap of a lifetime, isn't it?
That involves complete surrender.
That involves true denial of will, want, way.

Can I do this?
Is it truly possible to stop feeding my own inflated ego?
Isn't my sense of entitlement valid?
No, for I am consumed with sin, aren't I?
I am not valid.
I am nothing.
Nothing.

So, how do I forsake myself and instead revere and glorify You more than "ME"?
O Lord, position my heart in the lowliest state of submission,
So that I might be blanketed in your divine wisdom...
So that this world's normalcy of sin is no longer an expectation or entitlement.
For such evil assumptions are false and dark and evil.
Satan's whispered suggestion for me to know more... to become more than You...
This is not of Your kingdom.
So, change my thoughts.
Change my desires.
Change my tastes.
Change "ME" to be more like YOU!
And use whatever means necessary to break down my defiance!
If I am to live... if I must come after you each day...
If I must grasp at your sacred cross,
A cross that promises freedom,
A cross that promotes a future of hope, and a way of love,
A cross that will save all that is good and pleasing,
Then yes, Jesus, I choose to follow Your path.
Under your grace, I give you every horror to be washed away.
Yes, I will choose to trust Your Way.
For it is better than my own.
Yes, with You, I will deny self!
I will embrace the good life You saved,
In order that I might flourish.
I will live with Your purpose and plan... not my own...
Never my own again, dear Lord.
Let this be, all in Your Name.
All in Your Holy Holy Holy Blessed Name!
This is the day to rejoice and be glad in You!
This is the day to deny myself and follow You, precious Shepherd!
Here I am...

Just as I am...
Lead me, Lord!

Blessings!

~Victoria

© The Devoted Woman | Victoria Anderson